My morning routine now has mostly morphed into turning on the television and examining the line-up of Turner Classic Movies for the day. However, this morning, at some point in time, the television landed on the Fox “Whine” Network, for surely that is the most of what they do.
This all got me to thinking about my own whining. I do my share. Most readers are aware of that, but I try, sometimes not as successfully as I would like, to not only make suggestions to improve the things I might be whining about but also to educate readers and provide links for non-lazy readers to check things out for themselves. Most of the complaints I get are from readers who are lazy and hopelessly mired in years of propagandizing and brainwashing. But, let’s not get into that right now.
In Maine, the regular rifle deer hunting season has ended. Presently, muzzle-loader hunters are out further exhausting the bucks who have been in deep rut, putting stresses and strains on them that reduces their chances of winter survival. However, bills, evidently, need to be paid.
Regular readers know that it takes Maine months to offer up any indication as to the successes or failures of the deer hunting season. Here’s a chart that shows the date in which the Maine Department of Inland Fisheries and Wildlife (MDIFW) reported on the season’s deer harvest over the past 10 years, in which the season, including Muzzle-Loader, is over by mid-December.
So, how long will Mainer’s wait this year? Whine, whine, whine. Actually, the whine really is mostly over, as sooner or later a man learns that wishing in one hand and …..well, never mind. It’s almost funny now and the interest becomes which year will hold the record for the longest amount of time it takes to count 20,000 deer. Rumors are circulating at the MDIFW office in Augusta, that bets are being taken as to whether I’ll drop dead BEFORE the next deer harvest report goes out.
Which brings me to something to bitch and whine about. Yesterday I was reading about how in Wisconsin, 2 DAYS, after the completion of the state’s annual 9-day rifle deer season, the state reported “unofficially” that 196,785 deer where killed. WOW! How’d they do that. Maybe this should be featured on a renewed television show, “That’s Incredible!”
A friend said to me:
And, take a look at this! In Kansas now, as a volunteer sort of thing, hunters can register their deer, from the field, if they have a “Smart” phone. All the hunter needs is, “to submit two photographs — one close-up clearly showing the completed tag attached to the deer and a second showing the entire body of the deer with the head still attached.” Of course “Photoshopping” will never play a role in poaching.
And, I’ve got to put this in here somewhere so:
DON’T GO LOOK!
This would never work in Maine! Most portions of Maine, that is, those portions where deer hunting actually takes place, haven’t any cell phone or Internet Service. As a matter of fact, not only have some of the tagging stations never heard of the Internet, the MDIFW, have yet to get rid of the floppy discs and are still using Microsoft 3.1, with dial-up service. Back before electricity, and when the Pony Express was being used, reports got out to the people quicker. It would be faster to wait for Mad Jack and his mule Number 7 to bring word, than to wait on finding enough fingers and toes to count 20,000 deer on.
I overheard a group of hunters standing outside Berry’s Store in The Forks saying, over a six-pack of Bud, that for twenty bucks (no pun intended) and free beer, they could have Maine’s deer harvest numbers counted inside of one week. I did notice one guy wink his eye and heard him whisper to his buddy, “We gotta drag this out, man! It’s free *%&#!^* beer.”
We know that last year’s bear harvest data wasn’t made available on the MDIFW’s website until after this year’s bear season had started. We also know that deer hunting in Maine is the Big Kahuna of all big game hunting seasons, so MDIFW busts their proverbial, you know what, to make sure the harvest report gets out before commencement of the Fourth of July weekend.
I would make a suggestion about how MDIFW could more quickly count 20,000, but if they haven’t figured it out yet they never will. And besides, if I push them too hard, they might arrange things so that half the number of deer will be harvested and they can get the report out in half the time. We might then get the report, on or before, Memorial Day.
But if you are one of those that holds hands with government and sings Kumbaya, I suggest finding one of the hats shown above. It comes with Government authorized party favors – like things you can blow on.