October 1, 2020

Curmudgeon Ugly

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A curmudgeon has been defined this way: A cantankerous person or better yet this way: Anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. Temerity is defined as foolhardy or the heedless disregard of danger, according to American Heritage Dictionary. The modern day definition of a curmudgeon comes from “The Portable Curmudgeon” compiled by Jon Winokur. It’s a collection of sayings from people who have been described as curmudgeons.

There are many “world class” curmudgeons, like Woody Allen, Dave Barry, William F. Buckley, Jr., W.C. Fields and Robert Frost just to name a few. There are local curmudgeons who sometimes go relatively unnoticed by neighbors or at least they may not be so bold as to place such a title to the local brazen and cantankerous person. Every town or neighborhood has its share of those who have no fear of pointing out the obvious or at least talking about unpleasant subject matter.

A few months ago, I introduced you to a man from Newfoundland, Canada. I described him as a codger then but I honestly believe he better fits the description of a curmudgeon. A codger does fit Robert Tulk – an older, somewhat eccentric kind of man but for a true sense, one must apply full definitions. Even a picture tells a thousands words.

Robert Tulk

So, why am I talking about this eccentric old timer, a self-described “Outport Noddie”? He made my news list this morning in a rant about the “brain dead bureaucrats” in Ottawa.

Well, here we are. We are starting the second week in the new year. I keep asking myself whether the new year will be just as foolish or worse than the old year. Then I kept telling myself it’s going to get worse because it never does get better.

A number of shockers happened during the old year. Those brain-dead bureaucrats in Ottawa did one of the worst. They were supported by a brainless bunch known as ministers of foolishness. Yep, both bunch of lunatics got together and purchased some more guns to send to Afghanistan.

I don’t much care about Tulk’s rant about the war in Afghanistan. He did however have a better suggestion of what the so-called “brain dead” and “brainless” bunch of bureaucrats should do with these very expensive guns they bought.

The ammunition for those guns is made with something only a fisherman should have. Yep, a GPS. Now even the worst gunner in the armed forces can hit the target. I’m telling you, human lives don’t mean a thing to the warmongers.

Instead of the federal fools getting a gun to make it easier to kill humans, they should have got some guns that would make it easier for the outport noddies to kill moose. I’m telling you, a GPS bullet is just the thing for moose hunting. All we have to do is see a moose about a mile away, punch in the course, and open fire. The bullet would go straight for the target.

I know most outport noddies are crack shots. But there are some who can’t hit a paper bag, even if they were shooting inside the bag. With a GPS bullet, they wouldn’t need someone else to kill the moose. That would cut down on poaching and we wouldn’t need as many law officers. This would save the government untold dollars.

If this hasn’t convinced you yet that Robert Tulk is a laughable and lovable old curmudgeon, you can read the rest of his story and while you’re over there, you can read many more of his stories.

Cantankerous? Check. Temerity? Check. Eccentric? Check. Engaging? Check. Humorous? Check.

Ayuh, he’s an old curmudgeon alright.

Tom Remington

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