September 22, 2023

An “Irruption” of Snowy Owls in the Northeast

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*Editor’s Note* – It seems silly to have to do this, but due to the sudden destruction, worldwide, of brain matter, I have to qualify this article as satire (that means it’s not very serious).

I just don’t get it. I admit I don’t go around boasting about not being the sharpest knife in the butcher’s block but somebody help me out here. I was reading in The Outdoor Wire, that “waves” of snowy owls are headed to the Northeast, U.S.

“The sudden influx of these birds, called an ‘irruption,’ may be the first wave. More Snowy Owls are poised to head south looking for food and will be attracted to wide open expanses, such as airports, because they resemble their native tundra.

“More than likely these Snowy Owls are moving south from the Arctic because of a shortage of their favorite food up north-lemmings, or because of a bumper crop of young.

Not wanting to be accused of being a “smartass”, I will admit right up front that I am here, but why is it that cherry picking of certain information, done to fit nicely into one’s narrative, never ceases to amaze? The usual mantra that we would hear in this instance is that the snowy owl is in danger of going extinct due to that dreaded “global warming.” But not here. In this case the raptors are moving south, into Northeastern America looking for food…..or airports.

If there is global warming, wouldn’t it stand to reason – that is using the Al Gore system of logic, maybe we could coin it, “Gorogic”, – the snowy owls would be heading north, where it’s colder.

And are snowy owls so stupid that they really think JFK and LaGuardia airports look like “the tundra?” I mean, look below. First photo of tundra and the second photo of JFK Airport. Do they really look alike?



In addition, the report claims that the snowy owls have had a, “bumper crop of young.” Come on man! Haven’t we been told that wild animals, when they visit family planning centers, decide on how many offspring to have based on available habitat and prey to feed the young-uns? If there’s a shortage of lemmings, “Gorogic” tells us there can’t be “a bumper crop.”

However, I think I have it figured out (God I’m brilliant). It has to be one of two things and global warming has nothing to do with any of it. Yeah, I know. Shocked aren’t you! I’ll give you a chance to get up off the floor.

You see, the snowy owl’s favorite food is the lemming (better check out the definition), and the snowys have heard that Washington, D.C. and the brain trust in New York City, are chuck-a-block full of “lemmings.” Why do you think there’s an increase in raptors being found in urban areas?

Or, the owls are heading south, into Maine because they’ve discovered millions and millions and millions and millions and millions (am into billions yet?) of pounds of Dunkin’Donuts from leftover black bear hunter’s bait sites.