June 3, 2023

The Ruby-Throated-Croople-Poop Duck Stamp

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Ah yes. The goal in case you have been hibernating, “to change the way in which we talk about wildlife management.” A new plan – to put non-game birdies on the Federal Duck Stamp. That’s an idea to kill for!

Maybe a picture of the Crunch Bird on the next Duck Stamp will work.


Don’t know the crunch bird? Here’s a story about the Crunch Bird.

A wife, having had it with her nasty-acting husband, made a trip to the pet store. She told the attendant there that she was looking for a pet for her belligerent husband. Something to keep his mind on something besides being a pain in her backside.

“Oh, I see! I think I have just the creature for him,” stated the pet manager. With that he went and got the Crunch Bird.

“What is that?” asked the frustrated wife.

“Why, that’s a Crunch Bird,” replied the pet man.

“It’s ugly!” she said emphatically.

“Perhaps,” replied the manager. “But, watch what he does.”

With that he says to the bird, “Crunch bird! Mouse!” When suddenly the bird attacked the mouse…crunch, crunch, crunch and the mouse was all gone. Not quite convinced, the manager says, “Crunch Bird! Cat!” And the bird went crunch, crunch, crunch and the cat was all gone.

The wife, with a bit of evil glint in her eyes said, “I’ll take it!”

So, she took the Crunch Bird home. When her husband came home from work, the first thing is spotted was the Crunch Bird. He yells, “What in the hell is that thing?”

The little woman says, “Why dear! I bought that just for you. I thought it was the perfect gift. It’s a Crunch Bird.”

To which he angrily replied, “Crunch bird? My ass!”

According to an article at Field and Stream, the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service claims they are trying to find ways to raise more money. They say they need it to keep the migratory bird program going. (ROFLMAOATMFL) I think they need the money to keep up paying for early retirement, pensions and bonuses.

But Don’t go look!

Makes a lot of sense, putting pictures of birds that aren’t game birds on a tax stamp that is needed to kill migratory game birds. Afterwards, we can paste a picture of Ted Nugent on the new promo posters for “Save the Jumping Meadow Mouse!”